College Application

            Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon them. I, however, just happen to have all.

            I have climbed Mount Everest, wrangled a hog, and read War and Peace in one sitting, all while cooking a feast for the Queen of England. Performing open heart surgery, repairing the 2011 Olympic Torch, and passing math 12 with Mr. Killick are only a few of the encounters I’ve successfully completed.

            I am 5”6 and 3 quarters. I’ve taught Sidney Crosby how to skate, Tim Tebow how to throw a touchdown, and taught the Sedin Sister’s to shoot a puck. I play soccer. Creating Apple, Microsoft, and the 10-Minute Brownies only took me an hour to do. Jay-Z idolizes me. Adele adores me. Channing Tatum loves me. Mrs. Sutherland despises me. I got my N.

            I helped Anne Frank write her diary. “O’Canada” is my anthem. I don’t ride horses, I ride woolly mammoths. I don’t eat hamburgers, I eat beef burgers. I don’t walk, I saunter. I ran, I jumped, I skipped, I hopped across Russia, and only received one blister. Keeping the peace is my second job. I can’t dance.

            I’ve been around the world in 79 days, constructed the Eiffel Tower, and been a blonde for 72 hours. Cats cuddle me, dogs depend on me, snakes smile at me, and lizards love me.

            And yet, I have not attended university.